


Tell The Truth

by jesuisherve



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, M/M, Male Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 16:45:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesuisherve/pseuds/jesuisherve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief look at how Gunnar and Barney got together and telling the team about their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell The Truth

When Barney had formed his team of guns for hire, he was not looking for a relationship. He wasn’t even thinking of one. Getting out of the army and going back to regular life; a nine to five job with a steady girlfriend and settling down ended up being boring and more trouble than it was worth. Barney couldn’t let his old life go. He severed one of the longest romantic relationships of his life, three years with a wonderful woman who didn’t understand his need to be in the field, to pursue a dangerous career.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Chalk it up to stupid male ego or the follies of youth. Either way, the novelty wore off quickly. Stubbornness was the only thing that kept Barney in the game and he was nothing if not stubborn. There was no charm in hunkering down in a muddy ditch with shots ringing over your head, sick from exhaustion, bleeding and wondering how many of your men were still alive. Despite the difficulty, Barney stuck with it. There was something in the back of Barney’s mind that told him he had to prove to himself and to the woman he thought he loved once that he could make it as a mercenary. He even had a rule: “the target has to deserve it.” The rule gave him and the team some sort of honour. During the first few years, the Expendables’ line up changed often. Barney’s formative years as a leader happened then as well. He could barely remember who was on the original team. Tool had been one for sure but he left the business eventually to open his tattoo shop. Barney never begrudged him that. It was better to lose Tool to another calling instead of from a bullet to the head. The ever-changing list of teammates trickled to a halt when Barney grew into a better leader. He was careful about the men he picked. He made sure they could take orders and that everyone could get along passably. He had learned that early on when a teammate who couldn’t stand Tool sold them out to the enemy once. Only three out of the five Expendables escaped that time. This taught Barney that trust and compatibility were as valuable as skill in the field.

\--

_Tool was touching up one of Barney’s tattoos when the tall Swede walked in. Both of them glanced over at the intruder, unconcerned. Tool had said earlier that day that he had called a guy to come in for an evaluation. Barney was looking to fill a slot on the Expendables and this guy, Gunnar Jensen, had sounded promising._

_Gunnar Jensen looked nothing like Barney had expected. The picture he had constructed in his head while Tool rattled off his qualifications was very tame in comparison. He had imagined a short, stocky blond guy with glasses wearing camouflage and army boots. According to Tool, Gunnar Jensen had a Master’s Degree in Chemical Engineering, was proficient in at least seven languages and had plenty of military experience and weapons training. The only similarities to Barney’s imagined guy and the man that walked into Tool’s parlour was his blond hair and boots._

_After a brief conversation about money and what was expected from a team member of the Expendables, Barney was willing to give Jensen a trial run. Tool nodded and shrugged. “Give him a shot, brother.”_

\--

Gunnar and Barney were more compatible than either of them thought they would be. After Gunnar’s initial three month trial run, he stayed on with the Expendables. He saw other men come and go but he remained constant. He was there when Barney hired on Toll Road and Hale Caesar, two friends who had done military service together once. Both proved their worth and their previously established friendship appealed to Barney’s idea of how a team should work together. Lee Christmas and Yin Yang were taken on some time later, both filling their roles well.

Barney felt confident to say that the Expendables were not only his team, they were his closest friends. But Gunnar was something else to him on a level none of the other guys could reach. They were... well, it was hard to describe. Barney didn’t like labelling it but if he were forced to he would reluctantly admit they were lovers. The word felt garish to him, like a bad paint job on a classic car. “Lover” didn’t encompass what he felt for Gunnar. There was love, yes, but that came only after a lot of fumbling attempts and failures on both their parts.

Sex had come before love for them, there was no doubt. Gunnar had been attracted to Barney since the preliminary meeting at Tool’s tattoo parlour, although that was unremarkable to him. He was attracted to lots of people, whereas Barney hadn’t given the other man a second thought at first. Years went by before Gunnar even hinted at his attraction, not that he really knew how to ‘hint’. Gunnar was many things but subtle was not one of them.

\--

_It was a simple mission, extract the hostage. Barney and Gunnar were supporting Christmas and Yang from a hidden spot on a rooftop. Gunnar was watching through the scope of his sniper rifle. Barney was coordinating the mission over radio. His arm had gotten injured a few weeks earlier and he wasn’t quite steady enough yet to contribute to the mission, but he was not the kind of guy who could stay behind and wonder how things were going without him._

_They had been waiting to hear from Christmas for 45 minutes. He had gone in with Yang; stealth was the key to their plan. The kidnappers were well-armed and the warehouse they were hiding in was less than ideal for any type of head-on fire fight. Caesar and Toll Road were providing more direct back-up, leaving Gunnar to cover them from afar._   
_When Barney’s radio finally crackled to life it was Christmas telling them: “Hostage in custody. We’re clear.”_

_Barney jumped to his feet and punched the air triumphantly. “Fuck yeah!”_

_Gunnar stood, slung his rifle over his shoulder and kissed Barney hard, using one hand to hold the back of his leader’s neck. Before Barney could recover from shock, Gunnar was already walking away towards their vehicle. Barney watched his retreating back with a frown. That must have been a Swedish thing. Europeans kissed each other in greeting and stuff all the time, right? Wasn’t that a thing? If it had meant anything more than that, wouldn’t Gunnar have continued it or at least said something?_

_They drove to the rendezvous point in silence. Neither of them mentioned the kiss._

_A few months passed before another incident. They had been drinking, Gunnar more than anyone else. Barney took it upon himself to get the big man home. Luckily, he wasn’t parked far from the bar and had only drunk two beers. He had driven his truck that night instead of his motorcycle; otherwise he would have called a cab for his friend. Barney led Gunnar down the street, grabbing his shoulder every so often to keep him on the sidewalk and going in the right direction._

_“Take a break,” Gunnar huffed, stopping to lean his back against the wall of a building._

_“We’re almost there.”_

_Gunnar reached his hand out and grabbed Barney’s forearm. Barney gave him a quizzical look that read ‘what the fuck?’ The Swede either ignored or didn’t see the expression on his friend’s face and tugged Barney towards him. He raised his other hand and in a quick motion, wrapped his arm around Barney’s waist and pulled him into rough kiss._

_This kiss took him by surprise as well but Barney reacted immediately. He slammed his hands on Gunnar’s chest and shoved away, breaking out of the other man’s arms. “What was that?” he shouted, feeling confused and defensive._

_“That’s called a kiss,” Gunnar said. His words felt thick in his mouth and there was heat stirring in his stomach. He was very drunk. But the booze enabled him to show what he was feeling. Still, the last few drinks he had were too much, even he could see that._

_It was too late to turn back._

_Barney was livid. He was confused. He hated that Gunnar was making things complicated. They were friends, he never thought of anything more than friends and Gunnar was ruining that. He was angry that Gunnar had pushed this burden onto him without warning. He didn’t want Gunnar’s affection; he didn’t want whatever was happening in that moment. Barney resented that with one action Gunnar had reduced his life, and everything they had accomplished as teammates, into a teenage soap opera. They were too fucking old for this kind of bullshit. Barney didn’t care who the Swede wanted to fuck because it wasn’t his business. Men or women, whoever Gunnar was banging did not concern Barney, except now he realized that he was one of the men Gunnar wanted. And that did concern him._

_To top it all off, Barney resented feeling like Gunnar had emasculated him._

_Twice Gunnar had kissed him and twice he had done it by surprise. It felt like he was trying to dominate Barney, pulling the kind of shit a teenage boy thought was romantic but girls found scary. If it had been a woman in Barney’s place, there was the chance that Gunnar would have ignored the protestation against the kiss. Barney hated thinking that. It made him feel sick._

_“I’m calling you a cab,” Barney snapped, taking out his cell phone._

_Gunnar thumped his head lightly on the wall he was leaning on. He had fucked up. Barney was angry. The big Swede didn’t know what he thought would have happened. Did he think that Barney would just go with it, throw himself into the kiss and they’d somehow end up in the same bed? ‘Too drunk,’ Gunnar thought, watching Barney with bleary eyes. ‘I’m too drunk and he’s too hot.’_

_“Cab will be here soon,” Barney pocketed his phone. His voice was sharp and unfriendly. “I’ll wait until it comes. But you stay the fuck over there. Don’t come near me.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“The fuck you are!” Barney knew he was shouting but couldn’t quiet himself. “That was so fucking out of line! Friends don’t do shit like that to each other, especially not when we’re on a fucking team.”_

_“I said I’m sorry,” Gunnar barked. “I made a mistake. I’m drunk-”_

_“No excuse.” Barney cut him off tersely. He was now shaking with anger. Disrespect. This was rooted in disrespect. If Gunnar thought he could get away with something like that while they were off the job, how could he continue to take orders and function as part of the team? Barney couldn’t think why else Gunnar would advance on him like that. Gunnar was predatory. Gunnar must see him as weak, someone he could take power from to have the balls to kiss him. Barney clenched his fists and eyed the Swede warily. The cab would be there soon. Then he could have time alone to think._

\--

After that night Barney and Gunnar kept their distances for awhile. Barney remained rattled by the drunken kiss. It played over and over in his mind. He felt like it was not only a breach of trust but an outright display of disregard for his position as team leader.

It was a phone call that changed how Barney viewed the kiss.

\--

_The caller ID flashed ‘Jensen’. Barney held the phone, debating whether or not he should answer it. It rang a few more times and then went silent, his voicemail picking up instead. The phone’s screen went dark. Barney stuck it in the breast pocket of his plaid shirt and went out to the deck in his tiny backyard. He lit a cigar and sat in a plastic lawn chair. His phone started ringing again. He fished it out of his pocket._

_‘Jensen’._

_“Fuck it,” Barney muttered. He answered the call. “What?”_

_“Barney, hear me out. I’m right by your place. Can we talk?”_

_“I dunno if that’s a good idea,” Barney exhaled smoke. He didn’t want to see the other man._

_“We have to get this shit sorted out,” Gunnar said after a few moments of silence, “even it’s not cool between us anymore we’re still a team.”_

_“Fine,” Barney said, “but if you touch me again I will put two in your head.” He hung up without waiting for a reply. For a moment he wished the sleek cellular was a flip phone or the type of landline he had growing up, hanging up at the touch of a button was unsatisfying. He considered lobbing his phone over the fence, which would be satisfying, but also immature. He put it in his jeans pocket._

_Gunnar showed up ten minutes later. He looked rough, but not the way he usually did. He was dressed in a loose-fitting grey shirt, jeans and combat boots. He hadn’t shaved in awhile but his eyes were bright and his hair looked like he had tried to comb it. Then it hit Barney. The Swede looked sober. No booze, no drugs._

_Neither of them seemed to know how to continue. Barney sat impassively, hands laced together and resting on his stomach. He didn’t offer Gunnar a chair. If the other man felt uncomfortable at the lack of hospitality, it was all the better._

_“Look,” Gunnar opted to sit on the edge of the deck, feet on the lawn and facing his friend. “What got you so screwed up with the kiss?”_

_Direct as always. Barney was glad for that. Being direct was always better than beating around the bush. “It felt like insubordination. Disrespect.”_

_Gunnar blinked at him, surprise clear on his face. “Disres...? You thought I was... what, trying to make you my bitch?”_

_“Yeah, actually!” Barney sat up a little straighter, muscles tensing. “That’s what it fucking felt like.”_

_Gunnar began to laugh. “Christ,” he said, shaking his head, “that’s why you were mad? Fuck, no, Barney, that’s not it. I just want to fuck, none of that macho, ego bullshit.” The big man smiled at him._

_Barney found himself thinking that he liked sober Gunnar’s smile, but not the words he was saying. “Fuck? If that’s what you wanted you should have said something instead of shoving your tongue down my throat. Not that I woulda said yes. But that would have saved us all of this fucking drama.” He stood and stretched. He felt immensely better about everything. He trusted Gunnar’s word, at least in this. “Come in for a beer?”_

_Gunnar got up and followed him inside. “So you’ve never been with a guy?”_

_“No.” Barney got two bottles from the fridge and handed one to his friend. He had never even thought about being with a guy. There had always been women in his life and he never questioned his sexuality. Men disinterested him. He had male friends and valued those relationships but sex never crossed his mind. He looked over at Gunnar. He could see what women might like in him. He was handsome, his eyes were bright blue and his cheekbones were definitely a nice feature. He was well-built and strong too._

_Barney found his heart had quickened its beat._

_He had never thought about being with a man before, but here was a man who wanted to be with him. Maybe it wouldn’t be terrible, if everything was on his terms. Gunnar had experience and despite their fight over the kiss, there was trust between them. “Fuck it,” Barney said. One time, it could be a onetime thing. If it was awful they could always stop._

_“Let’s have sex.”_

_Gunnar choked on his beer._

_The sex was great. Barney was astonished at how great it was. The Swede was good with his mouth. They were quick to integrate sex into their spare time. They couldn’t do much while on missions but the downtime in between jobs gave them plenty of opportunities for sex. But it did send Barney into an introspective downwards spiral. Having never been attracted to a man before, he had to question his sexuality for the first time. It was stressing him out. Didn’t gays always know they were gay? Should he start telling people he was gay? But other men held no attraction for him, it was only Gunnar. He still liked women. Did that mean he was bisexual or just desperate?_

_“I’m not gay,” Barney said with finality one early morning as he pulled on his pants. He had spent the night at Gunnar’s and had stayed later than he meant to. He had intended to leave as soon as they were done fucking but had fallen asleep. The sun was barely up yet._

_Gunnar yawned and covered his eyes with the crook of his elbow. Some sunlight had crept through the curtains and was shining on his face. “I know you’re not.”_   
_Barney found his shirt tossed in a corner. It was inside out. He fixed it and pulled it on over his head. “I can’t fuck other guys. I’ve thought about it. No good.”_

_“I know you’re not gay,” Gunner murmured._

_“There’s something about this that’s different,” Barney said, sitting on the bed and shoving his boots back on. “I dunno what it is.”_

_“Shut up,” Gunnar pulled the blanket over his head. “I know you’re not gay. You don’t have to prove it. Let me sleep. Some of us actually need it.”_

_Barney jumped up. “This is a big deal for me! I’ve been having a crisis over this, fuck.”_

_“You don’t have to be gay to like sex with me!” Gunnar shouted, still cocooned in the blankets. “Fuck!”_

_It didn’t occur to Barney until after he had left that Gunnar might have been offended and not just wanting him out of the apartment so he could sleep._

\--

Neither of them could pinpoint where their relationship became an actual relationship. Somewhere along the line they became a couple without meaning too. Kisses became greetings or goodbyes as well as foreplay. Emotions were suddenly important and real.

Barney realized he loved Gunnar during a mission when he thought he was going to lose him. He couldn’t remember what the mission had been anymore, it was unimportant, but Gunnar had gone separately from the rest of the team to ambush the enemy from behind. They lost radio contact with him at one point. When the rest of the team found each other Gunnar was the only one missing and Barney wouldn’t leave without looking for him. The Expendables found his truck over turned and burning in a ditch. All the windows were shattered and the roof of the truck was caved in. When Barney came upon the wreck, he rushed towards it yelling Gunnar’s name with panicked thoughts streaming in his head _‘he can’t be dead what will I do without him he has to be alive he has to be okay oh fuck Gunnar you stupid fucking idiot are you okay-’_

The truck was empty.

Christmas was the one who found him. He had wriggled out of the wreckage and managed to pull himself some distance away from the burning vehicle before passing out. They got him medical attention from a retired army surgeon that Tool had told them about who lived in the area. Gunnar was lucky to be mostly uninjured. A few broken ribs and blood-loss was what had made him pass out.

Gunnar realized he loved Barney that night as the smaller man slept in the chair next to his bed, fingers curled loosely around his own. He woke up in pain, confusion and panic but calmed when his eyes adjusted to the dark and he felt Barney’s hand. The army surgeon had a room for the uninjured Expendables to sleep in but Barney insisted on staying with Gunnar to keep an eye on him.

Love wasn’t a word they said out loud to each other. There wasn’t a need for it. Both of them were men who believed that actions proved intentions more than words. Whenever Barney hung Gunnar’s knife belt by the door instead of leaving it wherever it had been dropped, when Gunnar replaced the automatic garage door opener Barney had been complaining about without a word, and countless other small gestures, it meant the same to them as saying I love you.

\--

Deciding to tell the Expendables about their relationship was a long, hard fought process. Gunnar hated feeling like they were sneaking around. He wanted to be able to kiss Barney hello the same way the others kissed their girlfriends. Barney fought against the idea. He didn’t want to appear weak in front of the team.

\--

_“What’s weak about fucking me?” Gunnar snapped at him._

_“Nothing.” Barney muttered. “Forget it.”_

_“You think I make you look weak?” Gunnar was furious._

_“No.” This was not the conversation Barney wanted to have right now._

_“Then what is it?”_

_“You make me look gay!” Barney yelled. “I don’t want them to think of me differently.”_

_Gunnar slammed the door as he left. He didn’t come home that night, or the next. He ignored Barney for three days. When he couldn’t stand it anymore, Barney drove over to his apartment to apologize. Gunnar let him in reluctantly. Standing in front of the Swede, Barney forgot the apology he had practised in his truck on the way over. He could feel blood rushing to his face, burning with embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”_

_Those were the only words he had to say. ‘I love you’ remained unsaid, but Barney made sure to show his love with the way he touched Gunnar. The way traced over the Swede’s scars with his tongue and the way he kissed him, the way he ran his hands through his blond hair and pulled on it. Everything Barney did he made sure Gunnar knew he loved him and wanted to make up for hurting him._

\--

It seemed only fitting that Barney announced his relationship at Tool’s tattoo parlour. It was where they had met for the first time. It was almost funny. Gunnar had told him about wanting to fuck him from the moment they met and Barney was forced to admit he felt no attraction until after the first time they had sex. Gunnar thought that was funny, too. He had grinned and said it was a testament to how great in bed he was. Barney didn’t argue with him.

He was smoking a cigar and listening to Tool and Christmas bicker over something stupid. Gunnar was sitting beside him, fiddling with a new knife. He wanted to get the blade engraved but still hadn’t decided what he wanted yet. Caesar was showing Toll Road pictures of his kids. Yang was flipping through one of Tool’s tattoo portfolios. It was now or never. Barney felt like he was going to vomit. He had been less nervous about going into combat zones. But if any of these guys were going to end their friendships after the announcement, it would be worth not having to hide anymore. Barney touched Gunnar’s shoulder lightly. The Swede glanced up at him, one eyebrow raised.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Barney cut Christmas and Tool’s squabble short, “but I gotta tell you guys something.” All eyes were on him. Barney forced himself to look past them, not to read the expressions on their faces. If he thought about it too much he would lose his nerve. “Gunnar and I... well, we’ve been seeing each other for awhile and we thought it was time to tell you all.”

Glances passed between the teammates. Barney pretended not to see. Gunnar rose to his full height, standing languidly but dangling the knife in his fingers.

“Well?” the Swede asked.

“It’s... this isn’t new,” Christmas said flatly.

“Yeah,” Hale Caesar chimed in. “Don’t think you two were as quiet as you tried to be sometimes.”

Gunnar laughed at that. Barney wanted to crawl into a hole and die of mortification. He and Gunnar rarely fooled around on missions but there had been one or two times when they thought they were going to get caught, but no one ever indicated that they heard.

“And that one time Gunnar was really fucking high,” Christmas continued, “and you were busy so you made me go get him? Yeah, he went on and on and on. Fuck, I know more about you than I ever wanted to.”

“It’s no big deal,” Toll Road added. “We really don’t care.”

“If you and Gunnar are couple,” Yang said, “then I should get raise. You two can share things. I need the raise.”

“Am I the only one who’s surprised at this?” exclaimed Tool. “I don’t care, believe me brother, I really don’t, but am I seriously the only one who never saw this coming?”

Christmas punched Tool in the arm. “You’re losing your sense of perception with age. I wouldn’t get a tattoo before. Sure as hell won’t now.”

“This is what I was nervous about?” Barney grumbled as everyone lapsed back into their previous conversations. Gunnar smiled and slipped his arm around the dark-haired man. Barney elbowed him. “I can’t believe you told Christmas shit about me. What did you tell him?”

“I don’t remember,” Gunnar rubbed the spot Barney hit with a wince. “I was fucked up.”

Barney asked Christmas about it a few days later. It was awkward and he tried to make it seem nonchalant but Christmas could plainly see how his friend felt. “D’you want the whole truth of it?”

\--

_“You’re not Barney,” Gunnar said._

_Christmas knelt by the big man. “Are you okay?”_

_Gunnar was lying on the floor in the bedroom of his apartment. He had stumbled while going to his bed but it was too hard to get up. He had managed to remember that his phone was in his pocket and called Barney. He said he needed a ride somewhere and that it was important. He tried to say it and sound sober but he knew that Barney knew and it made him feel useless. Barney told him he’d sort it out and hung up._

_“We had a fight,” Gunnar let Christmas haul him into a sitting position. “He’s mad at me and I didn’t know what to do. I think I drank too much. And,” he waved his hand vaguely, “something else too much too. Don’t tell Barney.”_

_There had been discarded needles in the kitchen. Christmas didn’t need an explanation of what else his friend had too much of. Gunnar’s drug use was actually frightening. Christmas knew that Barney wouldn’t have asked him to come over here unless he was really busy with something, because Barney wasn’t the kind of guy who would pass off something like this. He would try to shoulder the responsibility for Gunnar to protect everyone else._

_“Barney’s mad, but I don’t want him to be,” Gunnar was babbling. Christmas was only half listening. He was trying to decide what to do next. Hospital? Wait it out, see if he sobers up? Get some water? He was awake at least. The big Swede didn’t seem to know Christmas wasn’t really hearing him. “He doesn’t know how hard I try not to fuck up but I fuck up always. I want him to be happy, that matters the most. He doesn’t know when I look at him and there are scars I want to erase the scars. He shouldn’t be hurt, he doesn’t deserve that.”_

_Christmas tuned into Gunnar’s running monologue. What was he saying about Barney? He wasn’t sure that Gunner knew he was there anymore._

_“I love his tongue,” Gunnar was saying. He leaned his forehead against the bed and closed his eyes. His head hurt. “I love his mouth. I love his hands. His hands are great. His fingers got broken once. You can tell when he makes a fist. His nose got broke too and it didn’t get set right but I love it,” he choked. Christmas reached for him in alarm. “I love him,” Gunnar coughed, “I love him and he loves me but we don’t say it.”_

\--

Barney appreciated Christmas telling him the whole story. He picked up his phone and opened a new text message. He typed it quickly and hit send before he could change his mind.

Gunnar’s phone buzzed. He wondered who was texting him. No one he knew really texted. A message from Barney. He opened it.

_“I love you.”_


End file.
